In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
