i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
