we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
