I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
