Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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