i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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