I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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