I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize