so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So many bounce houses so little time
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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