Where is the hickey?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
