I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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