Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
