Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
