Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
