Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
