so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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