While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
