Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
