My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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