Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
