Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
