Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
