i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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