Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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