So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
