WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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