oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
