I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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