There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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