I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I came so hard my ears popped.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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