HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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