tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize