remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize