I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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