remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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