In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
