I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Terrible idea I love it
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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