Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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