I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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