Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
