You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
