I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
