oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
