I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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