Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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