so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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