There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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