I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
