I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
