toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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