I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
