that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize