I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
