Who did Billy Mays play for?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
