Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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