he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
BRING THE BAGELS
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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