i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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