saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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