I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
