What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
