Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
