went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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