That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
