I'm so fucking centered right now
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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