pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
