Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
