I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
