there's paper in my vomit.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I deserve this hangover.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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