I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
God I need to hump something, right now.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
