Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
