Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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