if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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