I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
