just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
