I swear she didn't look like that last week.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
