I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
